On July 2, 2018, a team of actors from the Royal Shakespeare company faked their way into a win over Colombia. I realize had Uribe not hit the crossbar during the penalty kicks the body of this post would change, but the title would not. But I am compelled to comment on the conduct of the referees during the first half. I am referencing especially the penalty kick taken by Kane. Serisously…I have seen better acting from Nicolas Cage!
What did the English coach say to his players? I suspect it was something like this. “Each time you make contact with a Colombian player, lie down on the field and cry. Tell the referee that you are injured, that your career is over, that you can no longer have children, that your parents didn’t love you enough, that what Guy Fawkes did still makes you sad, that you are five seconds away from dying on the field…but that I’ll feel all better if I can have a penalty kick.”
What did the referees say following the match? I suspect it was something like this. “I’d like to thank the Academy for taking a chance on a blind man like myself. I’d like to thank the Queen for sending me that check. And most of all I’d like to thank my parents for raising me without a conscience or any sense of shame and decency.”
But then…and here is the kicker…or the header…Mina scores and levels the playing field to 1-1. Fast forward to the end and Uribe, Uribe, oh Uribe! So close but once again Colombia snatches defeat from the jaws of victory. And then those limey fruits won, but don’t feel bad Colombia remember the second reason I don’t like England. I won’t rehash it here…just look what they did in India, in Africa, in the Caribbean, pretty much everywhere they colonized. So…even though you’re named Uribe like that paramilitario ex-president you can rest easy at night by telling yourself “At least I’m not British.”